omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
