What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
