awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
