Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize