you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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