I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
