I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
