Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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