just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
