Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
