Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
