You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
