i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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