Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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