he puts the penis in happiness.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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