I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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