we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
