and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
