Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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