Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
