in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
