True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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