how can u be prego again
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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