My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
