guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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