Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize