How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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