I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
