I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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