I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
