I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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