When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
