Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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