I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
