Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
