My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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