redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
