Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i love accidental penises.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
