addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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