The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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