I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
