I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
