i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
