Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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