I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
