woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
did i just pee glitter
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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