somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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