Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
