remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found the puke drawer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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