we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
