hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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