FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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