he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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