This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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