who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize