Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
