I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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