Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
