absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
