On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
