I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize