i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
