Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
