yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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