dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
