I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
