Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
